ANG BALIKBAYAN

Isang araw sa bansang Estados Unidos, abala si Lucas sa kaniyang mga dadalhing pasalubong sa pagbabalikbayan. Halos 25 taon na rin ang lumipas mula ng iwan niya ito sa edad na 16. Kasama niyang namumuhay sa Amerika ang kaniyang mga magulang at dalawang kapatid. Dito na sila nanirahan at isa na silang "American Citizen" sa ngayon. Nakapag-asawa na rin si Lucas sa Amerika. Isa ring

Pilipina na si Maria Cristina. Biniyayaan sila ng isang anak na babae na nasa 12 taong gulang na ngayon.

"bakit mo naman naisipan na magbalik bayan ha, Lucas?" usisa ng kanyang ina na si Mom Lailani

"gusto ko lang pong maglibang sa aking sariling bansa"

"iiwan mo kami rito e kaarawan mo sa araw ng Pasko alam mo ba yun?"

"inay, unang nagpapasko ang Pinas, kinabukasan pagkatapos ng Noche Buena sa Pinas, babalik ako dito, icecelebrate pa rin natin ang kaarawan ko, siguro mga alas 11 ng gabi ng Dec 25 o a bente sais dito sa tate ang balik ko kaya hintayin niyo ko, itry ko talaga, masyado na akong busy next year baka di na ko makapagbalikbayan"

"kelan ang alis mo rito?" "bukas , Dec 15, mga sampung araw ako roon, magsisimbang gabi ako, nay halos 25 taon akong di nakabalik ng bansa, kaya wag niyo na akong tutulan"

"sino naman ako na tututol, ang mahalaga, masaya ang anak ko, ang problema kay Cristina, papayag ba siya?"

"nag-usap na kami inay, pinayagan niya ako, gusto ngang sumama, kaso maraming trabaho at si Jasmin na anak namin walang magbabantay, alam niyo naman dito sa Tate, youth are wild kapag di nagabayan"

"where are they nga pala anak?" "there, at the park nag-eenjoy sa snow, medyo makapal ngayon sa NY, kaya nageenjoy sila riding in ski"

"di ka sumama?"

"prepare all things muna Ma, mahirap bukas mag-ayos"

"saan ka tutuloy sa bahay natin?" "yap tumawag na ako kay Cousin Jennifer, she prepares all things there for me, mag papa cater ako sa birthday ko doon, closing the street of Marigold he he he"

"me pupunta kaya e lahat me handa that time pasko e" tanong ng ina

"mag-papalaro ako at mamimigay ng gift" tugon ng huli

"ikaw ang may birthday tapos ikaw ang mamimigay?"

Ma, si Jesus ang may birthday, iyon ang mas mahalaga, kung me mag-greet sa akin magbibigay ako ng gift sa kaniya, sa unang babati lang ha"

"bakit di mo ba ipapaalam na birthday mo anak?"

"doon ako lumaki sa Marigold Ma, halos lahat ng neighbor natin alam na birthday ko kapag pasko, kaya lets see the results, na mimiss ko na rin mga long lost friend ko specially yung kababata kong si John Paul, saan na kaya siya ngayon"

"sino yun yung taga slum area?"

"yeah, siya yun pero mabait yun kahit mahirap lang he's one of my great friend, di ba siya nag Valedictorian noong primary ko, nakapag-aral kaya siya, kasi nong High School bigla siyang nawala at nawalan ako ng balita sa kaniya, lalo na ng dinemolish na ang slums"

"di mo na makikita yun baka lumipat ng bahay, maybe nakapag-abroad na matalino e, maybe he's now a great engineer or something, I know magaling sa Math yun, di mo kaya e kaya third honorable mention ka lang anak"

"ha ha ha! oo nga Ma reminiscin ka ha, magaling nga siya sa Math, I miss him sana ma meet ko, pero kahit sina Kabron at Tope, ma-meet ko lang ang mga kalog kong friends e masaya na ako"

"Von voyage anak, sana maging masaya ka sa kaarawan mo"

"thanks Ma, (tsup! humalik sa noo)) bayaan niyo me pasalubong kayo sa akin na daing na pusit, don't forget to greet Jesus ha, siya ang may birthday second lang ako ha ha ha"

"ikaw talagang bata ka, of course, sige anak maiwan na muna kita"

"nice talking to you Ma" "okey, see you at the dinner anak"

Nakarating ng Pinas si Lucas, nagsimbang gabi ito. Pinuntahan niya ang mga dating kaibigan.

"gwapo mo at mataba pare, sarap talaga mamuhay sa Tate ano?" wika ni Kabron na kababata ni Lucas

"di naman, hiyang lang, oo nga pala si Tope ba san na ngayon?" "patay na siya pare, nasagasaan tatlong taon na ang nakararaan, lasing kasi ng tumawid sa daan, laging naglalasing kasi mula ng mamatay ang anak niyang 8 taon sa dengue"

"dengue? "oo iyong sa lamok galing, nakamamatay iyon"

"I heard that in US, mostly sa tropical part of the world, mosquito na lumalabas tuwing 5am to 6am at ganun din sa gabi ,kaya dagdag ingat kayo of course pati ako, ay naku buhay talaga , hmmm, saan ka man naroron Tope, kumusta na lang, oo nga pala sa Dec 24 ng alas 3PM, maghahanda ako sa bahay, pupuntahan ko si Chairman para sa permit"

"permit saan?" "ipasasara ko ang Marigold Street, maghahanda ako, magpapalaro may mga papremyo, kahit bata matanda pwede pumunta, mag rerent ako ng comedian, clown o magician"

"wow galing naman, sige tutulungan kita diyan"

"of course kaya nga pinuntahan kita e, how much ba?"

"ikaw naman, di naman ako nagpapabayad"

"joke lang Tope he he he, oo nga pala wala ka bang balita kay John Paul?"

"wala pare alam ko pina demolish ang iskwateran e, mula noon di ko na nakita"

"ganon ba, sayang, di bale sige pare tulungan mo ako ha?"

"yes yes yes!" sagot ni Kabron

Dumating ang takdang araw, maraming bisita si Lucas, masayang masaya siya, nagdatingan din ang mga kamag-anakan niya sa Pampanga. Maraming bata ang nabiyayaan ng regalong inihanda niya. Masaya ang lahat sa mga programa at palaro. Masasarap na pagkain din ang kaniyang inihanda.

"pare laki ng ginastos mo mga magkano lahat ito?" tanong ni Tope "umabot ng 150,000 pero masaya ako wala sa akin ang pera basta masaya ang pagbabalikbayan ko"

"tutal malaki naman ang kita mo sa Tate bilang Engineer, abot ka siguro ng 300,000 a month sa piso" "di naman, tama lang pampamilya"

"oo nga pala salamat sa regalo mong Adidas Rubber shoes, ang ganda"

"welcome pare, pasensiya ka na yan lang nakayanan ko" "sus ikaw naman ganda nga e"

Isa-isang nang umaalis at nagpaalam ang mga bisita ni Lucas. Hahabulin kasi ng mga ito ang Noche Buena sa kani-kanilang bahay. Maraming di masyadong uminom ng alak at kumain. Ipinabalot niya ang mga pagkain sa iba at ipinamigay. Naging abala ang lahat. Walang nakaalala ng kaniyang kaarawan. Tanging pasko lang ang tanging nasa isip ng lahat, wala rin siyang narinig na pagbati kay Hesus. Maging si Tope ay di naalala ang karawan ni Lucas.

"Tope, pwede ka nang umuwi naghihintay na pamilya mo parating na ang Pasko" wika ni Lucas

"sige pare, salamat, bukas bago ka bumiyahe pabalik puntahan kita rito ha?"

"sige pare hintayin kita" Nag-uwian na ang lahat ng makita niya ang isang magbabalot na kanina pa nakatingin sa kaniya.

"pare, nagtitinda ka pa rin e pasko na, halika kumain ka muna" wika ni Lucas

"salamat po, kailangan po kasing magtrabaho me sakit ang nanay ko, matanda na po kasi e"

Gutom na gutom na kumain ang magbabalot.

"magkano ba lahat iyan at papakyawin ku na" tanong ni Lucas "60 po lahat ng itlog, 4 po ang puhunan ko sa isa, ibebenta ko po ito ng sampu isa para may sais akong tubo, bale 600 po lahat ng itlog, tubo lang po ako ng 360, ibawas pa po ang patrabaho sa paglalaga na 40, malinis na 320 lang ang kita pag nabili lahat"

"whew! nalito ako roon ha, galing mo sa kwentahan pero ,sold! eto 2 libo, pamasko ko na iyan sa iyo, bili mo ng gamot ang nanay mo ha?"

"naku maraming salamat po sir salamat po" "okey lang iyon Pasko naman e, siyanga pala ano pangalan mo?"

"John Paul Mangahas sir"

"Jo..John Paul!" gulat na nasambit ni Lucas

"yes sir, kilala ko nga kayo, kayo po si Lucas Madrigal kaklase ko po kayo sa San Andres Elem. School, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIR"

"ha! alam mo birthday ko, ha ha ha ikaw nga si John Paul, what happen to you?"

"mahirap lang kami sir, after high school di na ako nag college, tinulungan ko na lang nanay ko sa pagtitinda, namatay na rin tatay ko ten years na, medyo ganito lang po talaga ang buhay ko, but tanggap ko po ito"

"don't ever ever call me sir John (niyakap niya ito) ikaw lang ang bumati sa akin ng happy birthday, you know may gift ako sa unang babati sa akin, and that is I will bring him or her to USA to work with me, any work na pwede niyang gawin, I'll prepare all the things sa documents, kahit mahirap kunin ito aayusin ko at gagastusan, ikaw pala iyon Paul"

"salamat po pero ang nanay ko diko maiiwan, me sakit po siya e"

" telka nga muna wag mo akong ipo o opo ha, we are the same human sige, I double the price, tell your mom kasama siya ipagagamot ko siya roon, my wife is a doctor there, deal?"

Umiyak si John, tumulo ang kaniyang mga luha at dumaloy hanggang sa leeg, may halong kasiyahan ang kaniyang mga mata, yumakap ito kay Lucas.

"Happy Birthday Lucas, salamat, wala naman kaming mga dokumento para makapunta doon"

"ako ang dokumento mo John Paul , ops siya nga pala sino ang may Birthday ngayon?"

"ay si Jesus din pala, Merry Christmas, and happy birthday pala kay Jesus para ka pa ring elementary Lucas"

"good at don't ever ever forget na ang pasko ay kaarawan ni Jesus, pangalawa lang ako ha ha ha, tara at pumunta tayo sa inyo, doon ako magpapasko, dali at 30 minuto na lang pasko na"

"a..a kakahiya Lucas sa ilalim lang kami ng tulay nakatira"

"e di sa ilalim tayo ng tulay mag noche buena, ha ha ha!, Jenny ikaw muna bahala sa bahay aalis lang kami ng kaibigan ko! wika ni Lucas

"sige kuya ako na bahala" sagot ni Jennifer na kaniyang pinsan.

Umalis ang dalawa, naglakad lang ang mga ito,nakaakbay pa si Lucas kay John Paul habang bitbit ang basket ng balot. Tuwang-tuwa ang mga ito. Ito na ang huling pasko ng pamilya ni John Paul sa Pilipinas at sa Amerika na sila maninirahan ilang buwan simula sa maningning na araw na iyon.

H.A.L.T.: A Self-Care Tool

H.A.L.T.: A Self-Care Tool

by Gudrun Zomerland, MFT

I first came across the acronym H.A.L.T. when I was working as a counselor in chemical dependency treatment centers twenty years ago. H.A.L.T. stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired. Each one of these four physical or emotional conditions, if not taken care of, leaves an individual vulnerable for relapse.

Relapse for an alcoholic or addict, of course, means resumption of using alcohol or drugs to manage the discomfort, but since working in the more general mental health field I have seen how even those of us not suffering from chemical dependency have our own forms of relapse. This may show up as relapse into other forms of addictions (excessive gambling, eating, shopping, TV watching, being on the computer, or excessive or inappropriate sexual activity -- to name just a few). Relapse may also show up as falling back into old beliefs about ourselves that result in emotional states such as shame or imagined guilt.

I have found H.A.L.T. helpful for anyone, including myself, because there is no getting away from sometimes feeling hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Following I will go through each of the four conditions in more detail in order for you to get the most out of this self-care tool.

Hunger, of course, describes the most obvious physical condition of lack of food. We all know how important it is to have regular nutritional meals -- preferably small in size and frequent in number. So I will not belabor this point here. But hunger can also point toward emotional needs: hunger for attention, for comfort, for understanding, or for companionship. It is very important that we have others in our lives who can give us their loving care. In 12-Step recovery circles these others are available in the "fellowships" of particular meetings. For other people these caring beings may be present in their spiritual communities, in their circle of friends, or other groups they attend. Just like we need grocery stores to take care of physical hunger, we need the community of like-minded people to fill our emotional needs. Therefore, the solution to emotional hunger is community.

The next condition, anger, is a little bit more complex and the solution perhaps a bit more challenging for some people. Here is the good news: there is nothing wrong with the feeling of anger! But here is the bad news: most of us have never learned how to express anger constructively. The way we express anger often takes hugely destructive forms. We either turn anger against ourselves or against others. Anger can range from criticizing and belittling to name-calling and physical violence. Anger can also be like a repeated tape loop; in that case it's called resentment.

Let's deal with the latter condition first. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous suggests that a person with resentment toward another pray for the other, that is, imagine all the good in life that we would like to have for ourselves to be bestowed upon the other person. You don't have to call it prayer; choose a word that works for you. My experience has been that anybody who subjects themselves to this discipline will eventually reap the benefit of feeling free from the incessant thoughts about the individual involved, and an unforeseen resolution to the conflict usually emerges.

Now let's look at the other forms of destructive anger mentioned above. First of all, you need a time out during which to breathe and be in control over the emotional charge that anger evokes. Some people actually need to do some physical activity such as walking, running, stomping or screaming (if you have privacy) to help them discharge the tension running through the body.

The next step is to look for the underlying cause of your anger. Anger is always about some form of perceived helplessness or powerlessness.Usually it can be remedied by identifying a request that needs to be made. When we make a request, we need to be willing to negotiate an outcome that works for both parties involved. Sometimes, however, the relationship dynamic that provoked the anger is so destructive that we need to distance ourselves for a while or even for good.

If you have difficulty with guiding yourself toward a time out, self-reflection, and moving toward a constructive request you may need professional help. Sometimes anger seems to run our very being and, in that case, it is usually connected to childhood trauma.

Next in the H.A.L.T. acronym is Lonely, which refers to isolating oneself. It is similar to Hunger in that the solution is the same, namely community.However, loneliness points to the difficulty of reaching out. This can have several causes, one being that isolation was a childhood survival tool, the other being emotional or clinical depression. If loneliness is either a constant or a frequent companion of yours and you don't seem to be able to come out of it on your own, again you may need professional help to look at the underlying causes.

The last of the H.A.L.T. acronym conditions is Tired. We all have a tendency to ignore tiredness at times. Several years ago I saw a video of an experiment in which volunteers were subjected to either alcohol intake or sleep deprivation. The upshot is that physical tiredness may be the cause of as many traffic accidents as alcohol consumption. It is a serious condition that endangers our wellbeing as well as that of others. The solution is of course napping or sleeping. If you have prolonged difficulty sleeping at night see your health care provider!

The other form of tiredness comes from taking on too much, being overloaded and overwhelmed -- an almost universal condition in the busy lives we all lead. The only solutions I am aware of is to cut down where you can, take short breathing breaks, step in front of your door and smell thefresh air (if available), and take vacations (frequent short ones or a good long one -- yes we can learn from the Europeans!).

Now you know H.A.L.T, an easily portable and very practical tool for everyday living. I give thanks to the people in Alcoholics Anonymous, where I think this acronym initially emerged, for using their experience to benefit us all.


SOURCE: http://www.chinnstreetcounseling.com